Dindin15’s Blog

just to update my blog..

since february 23, a lot lot lot of things have happened..

there’s finals week, taking our very final finals exams, finishing thesis, and other projects,,
there’s the activities for graduating students, baccalaureate mass, graduation itself, party, swimming, and a whole lot more..

just to update my blog..

last march 20, 2009, we had the baccalaureate mass 2009..
before that, there was this meet the parents thing for ics graduating students,,there was a student and a parent speaker for each class, and also an avp presentation for each class..
the baccalaureate was so much fun..actually i almost totally lost my voice during that event, hahaha..
but it was worth it, because it was really a blast and it was a very unforgettable experience for all of us present there..

march 28, 2009, we had the solemn investiture for the faculty of engineering..
it was the moment we all have been waiting for..it was like i never imagined it like that, i never imagined that i would be in that particular moment..it was so overwhelming, but not to the point that i cried, hahaha..
it was just a very happy event, and it was very fulfilling..most especially to our parents i think..

then march 29, 2009, we held a party, for my graduation and kuya’s graduation, and for the celebration of mama and papa’s 25th wedding anniversary..unfortunately, none of my classmates was able to come, well at least ifor was there, =D and that was the first time my dad met him..and that was the day my other girlfriends met him..and after that party, ’twas when i told them the real thing going on between us..=D

then, april came..april 5, we had a family outing at Cattleya Farm Resort in Antipolo..it was so much fun as well, and it was really exciting to be able to have an outing like that again..
then april 6, me and my pb went out, we went to moa..we just ate, walked around, went to timezone, then went home..actually, it was our ‘first legal date’..haha..
he picked me up at home, then he also accompanied me in going home,,of course my dad interrogated him, hahaha..but it was fine..and im hoping for more of that..

then, i’m on vacation mode,,i’m really doing nothing yet,,
until may 4, when i start in the ‘industry’, or in the real world..and i want to go out as much as i can, unfortunately i can’t go to full vacation mode because i don’t have the money, and i have little time left, and i can’t go out easily..haha..i want to go swimming again..
oh and another problem, i have no companions..it’s hard to set up or organize an outing or a trip..so i’m stuck here at home with nothing to do..haha..

*more to come on my next posts..hopefully i could do this more often..=D*

being single for 20 years of your life, then suddenly seeing hope that you might not be single anymore after 20 years of your life, is such a drastic change for a simple girl like me..it’s something that I’ve long been wanting to have, something that I’ve long been waiting for to happen, and yet, I’m scared..
I’m scared to fall, and be hurt once more..
I’m scared to give someone my heart, and have it broken by him..
I’m scared to love, i guess that’s what I’m trying to say..
I’m just scared…but I’m not closing any doors..

I’m not blind to the fact that someday, someone might really like me, and court me, and love me, and eventually be my first ever boyfriend in my entire life..I’m actually praying for it to happen, at the right time, even though I’m so dying for it to happen already..
just the thought of me having a boyfriend, having someone who wouldn’t be bored to listen to what i have been doing all day, kind of lifts my spirits and gives me more hope to hold on, and not give up on the chances of finding the right guy for me..
and it happens..it really does..in the most unexpected way..

when you’re unguarded, when you’re least expecting it, it will happen..
then, you’ll be excited, you’ll be so *kilig*, and you can’t wait to tell your girlfriends all about it..see what it does to you..it makes you happy..it excites you..it brightens up your day..but when you think about it, deeply, it’s not always good at times..

when i started liking someone again, this time, i hoped, he liked me too,,i hoped he felt the same way..it was hard to tell even through his actions..even though it wasn’t the normal friendly moves, still, i didn’t want to expect..
by patiently waiting, eventually, i found out that he felt the same way as i did..”if i will court you, will it be ok?”;”can i? can i court you?” those were the words i so clearly remember..i couldn’t believe my ears..and there i was, so happy, so excited..i was smiling all the time,,and i told my friends about it at once..it was something new, and it was something i have waited all my life to happen! it feels so good inside…finally! i thought at first it was just too good to be true..but it was..it really is happening..and then there came the bad part..i had doubts..i had so many questions in mind..why did he fall for me? why did he like me? why me?? so many questions, and luckily, he gave answers to all the interrogations..

that was the time that i realized, am i afraid to fall in love? is it really hard for me to trust someone? it’s like i didn’t want to believe that it really is happening..because i didn’t think i was good enough to be a girlfriend..or i didn’t think that someone was gonna court me or like me at that time..i just really can’t believe in everything that was happening..i guess he really was serious about it ’cause he answered all my questions, and never gave up on me..even if i was so much in doubt, with him, and with my feelings, he was so good to have helped me by telling me that it’s ok, and that he understands everything (since it’s me first time, sheesh), and by answering all the questions that bothered me for quite some time..

it really does happen, doesn’t it..just like what they say, don’t wait for it, it will just come to you..i didn’t think that was true..i believed that you have to do something for it to happen..but it happened, without me doing anything..it happened, so unexpectedly that i couldn’t believe that it was already right in front of me..the wait paid off..it was so worth it, and until now, even though two months have passed, i still can’t believe at times that i have him in my life, and that the one piece of the puzzle that was once missing have now been found..and he was just right in front of me..just there, waiting, waiting for me to recognize it,,waiting for me to see that it really could happen, to me..

it’s been two months since i became officially part of the non-nbsb clique..i am not a No-Boyfriend-Since-Birth-girl anymore..i know it’s been two months and yet it’s like i really haven’t thought of the whole thing, the whole picture..i know I’m not single anymore, or I’m in a relationship already, but i really haven’t looked deeper than that..

i’ve gone thru a lot before i came to that point when i finally decided that i was to enter a relationship for the very first time in my 20 years of existence..20 years of waiting is long enough i think? i know, i know, there are some that have been waiting for the rest of their lives to find that one person who would change their lives drastically..i guess i’m just one of the lucky few who have found that one person early in my life..

i had my crushes way back during elementary, and during high school, and even in college, i have my fair share of *papables*..it was in high school when everyone was having their suitors, they were receiving Blue Magic paper bags during Christmas (i was so bitter about it then ’cause i have always wanted to receive a gift in a Blue Magic paper bag! but thanks to chinky, i’m not so bitter about it anymore, =P), bouquet of flowers during Valentine’s day, and yet there was none for me..not even one came up to me and asked me for my number, or if they could court me, or at least just wanted to be friends with me..none..i was so jealous with my friends who had their suitors help them carry their bags, or at least accompany them during dismissal, or during recess/lunch..and yet there was still none for me..there were my guy friends, but of course guy friends are so much different with suitors/boyfriends..but then again, i thought, my time will come..not now..but hopefully soon..I’m not that typical type of girl-next-door that most guys really like..and i guess that explains it all, i tell myself..

i tried to find ways on how i could be closer to them, my “crushes”,,thinking that at least, even if they don’t like me, at least we could be friends..but still, maybe because of the “trend” that’s going on, that most guys want those pretty girl-next-door type of girls as their friends, and later on, as their girlfriends, still, i couldn’t convince them that hey, i’m pretty too! maybe not so pretty outside, but very much beautiful inside..my plan worked, for quite some time..i was sort of close to one, but still it wasn’t enough..still, it didn’t work out..still, i failed..
because of all that happened, when i entered college, i told myself, if i have a crush, that’s it, just a crush, i won’t be too assuming or i won’t expect too much from it..i know, i’m not blessed with good looks, but definitely i’m blessed with good friends, good upbringing, and most importantly, i could be a very good friend..but it’s not enough..i enjoy their company, we go out a lot, i have fun with them, talk about anything under the sun with my friends, but still, something’s missing..

there’s still a part of my life that hasn’t been created yet..and I’m dying to make it happen..if i could just do anything, anything at all, i would do it, just so that i could be able to experience that one thing everyone’s so hyped up and about…falling in love…being in love…

and being loved in return…the most important for me i think..to know that someone loves me the way i love him..a love that’s not just as a friend..or as a brother..or sister..a love between two persons so different from each other, and yet, they can’t wait to see each other the next day even though they’ve spent a whole day together already..

AGAIN, the same thing happened…i had a crush,,and eventually i liked him a lot, and i felt like am i falling for him already? am i in love with him? in love? i think not..but then again, i want to see him everyday..i want him to talk to me, even though there’s nothing to talk about..then what am i feeling? this is why i don’t like it when i’m liking someone so much..it’s so hard to determine if i like him, or if i’m in love with him..how do you tell if you’re in love? how will you tell if you only like the person??
then there will be this one person, who will make you fall for him..he has his ways of making you so vulnerable to him..and yet, you will realize, you’re such a fool for falling for him..

there are those good times, there are bad times..but still, you can’t just ignore the fact that as long as you have a heart, as long as you’re still breathing, you will, still, fall, again..and again..
there would be that one person, who would unexpectedly show up right in front of you..and again, you would fall..and again, you would hope and pray, that this time, it would work out just fine…